Tag Archives: fishponds

23-01-2017 – The Dog, Drum and Monkey of it

Ahoy there shipmates!

Another jolly weekend in rock; Friday at the Cat & Wheel was notable for the sheer quantity of spilt beer and broken glass all over the floor afterwards; a very lively night, but fortunately nobody aimed their boobies at Stuart this time. After we passed out the “fellatable guitars” into the crowd, only one came back safely afterwards, but was so covered in beer and grime that I binned it; after all, nobody’s going to want to wrap their lips around that, I figured. READ MORE

16-01-2017 – Angel UpDate – Thanks for the Mammory

Yo homeys

Well, the Blue Lagoon certainly didn’t disappoint on the drunken audience front; helped immeasurably by a coterie of ladies there for a 49th birthday bash; the birthday girl herself making quite a pastime of manipulating her chest at band members; she started with me, but since I simply beamed back at her, have her a thumbs-up and said “Thank you very much”, she shifted her mammary manoeuvring in Stuart’s direction – since he was careless enough to look slightly shocked, he thus became the focus of her bosomy wibbling for the rest of the evening. READ MORE

09-01-2017 – Smokin’ Dwarves

Hey gang

Right, well that’s our 2017 World Tour off to a good start, then.

Saturday night at the Rolleston Arms in Swindon – not a huge crowd, but since the rest of town was apparently completely dead, we didn’t do too badly.

And everyone there seemed to have a good time, so that was all right, then. We even had a night of special effects, courtesy of a very nice chap who was sat peacefully drinking and vaping away, producing clouds of sweet-smelling vapour – which prompted the easily-confused Stuart to ask me if I’d brought a new smoke machine. I hadn’t, but I think we’re going to have to get one now. READ MORE

05-01-2017 – Another Noo Year

Happy New  Year, folks!

We hope you all had a spanktastic festive season, we certainly did…

Gig reports (as far as I can remember them) are suitably cheery – just before Christmas we played the Farmhouse in Yate, which turned out to be a rather better night than anticipated, thanks to a fairly solid cohort of slightly bonkers locals – including one fine lady, whose name alas I have forgotten, who was something of an urban hairdresser – a “street stylist”, if you will – she spent much of the evening unaccountably weaving plaits into the hair of various other members of the clientèle, and when she spotted Ben’s flowing tresses, her face lit up with an evil grin. READ MORE

23-12-2016 – Lil Deps

Ahoy there shipmates!

Well, Friday at the ‘Cullis was an interesting evening. We arrived to find that the pub has changed hands since we were last here, and they’ve done it up a bit. In fact, there’s even a nice little drum riser, which should nicely enhance our professional rawk’n’roll credibility. And now that I’ve got my new amp back from the doctors, I have an impressive six-foot high stack of backline, which I think also helps to substantially enhance our professional rawk’n’roll credibility. READ MORE

12-12-2016 – And now …

Hey gang…

I’d like to apologise for last week’s intro to this little missive, in which you were all exhorted to “deck the halls with bowls of jelly” – I have been corrected by some of my more Viking-orientated correspondents, and we apparently should in fact have been encouraging you all to

“Deck the halls with the blood of your enemies”.

Valhalla-la-la

Valhalla-la.

I trust that one’s sorted out now. Also, apologies that this one is coming to you all a little later in the day than was intended, there was a minor mishap with an airplane and a fog bank which meant I couldn’t actually get to a laptop until mid-afternoon, despite having crawled out of bed at the unholy hour of 5am. I must stress that this was clearly not my fault, I don’t control fog – I only do lightning. READ MORE

30-11-2015 – The Curse Of The Whammy Bar

My, that was a busy weekend!

Friday night, and it’s off to the rather lovely Barrington Arms near Swindon with daughter Lil for an acoustic evening; a fine plan, spoiled only by the cheery signs, twinkling in the rainswept night, announcing that the M4 is shut from the next junction but one onwards. As the noted wit Oscar Wilde would have remarked, “Oh, bugger!”

So it’s off at the next exit for a frantic explore of the B roads of Wiltshire, and we finally slither to a halt outside the pub a mere hour late. Fortunately Tracy, the nice lady in charge, is very understanding, and we still manage to fit in a full two sets before finishing time. She apologises that the pub’s not too full, but blames Black Friday, the weather, the roads, and, curiously, the government. Apparently, though, they normally have more people in the place, and they usually like something a bit noisier than what we’ve just played. Lil immediately informs her that we can easily do MUCH noisier, we just bring her brothers along – this suggestion is met with approval, and so the stage is set for a full-on Polar Bear Cheesy Pirate experience in the New Year. ? READ MORE

23-11-2015 – Polar Bears, Fights and Glowing Guitars

Hey folks

Helldammit, that was a fun weekend all round!

Friday night, and time for Lily’s gig up at the ol’ Clothears in Stroud; having forewarned the pub that in addition the usual acoustic-y stuff, we were bringing along the full strength of the tribe – the mighty Polar Bear Cheese Pirates From Outer Space – we arrived early and after almost an hour of careful planning, carrying, arranging, rearranging, and tripping over each other, we’d managed to get the entire band’s kit set up in the very snug space available. And a jolly night we had of it; although after over an hour of drumming way after his bedtime, poor Jimi had to curl up in a corner to snooze while we packed the rest of the kit up afterwards. Usually it’s Lily that does that. READ MORE

16-11-2015 – Tortured and Tigger

Hey guys

Well another weekend, and I’m still not dead. Came pretty close, though…

After starting to feel fairly rough at the end of last week, I awoke on Saturday morning to find that during the night, somebody had removed both my lungs, and replaced them with a pair of black bin bags, which had been filled with raw sewage and cement dust and left out in the rain for a week. Not content with this, they had also set fire to my throat lining, put it out with a cricket bat, and tried to hide any evidence by removing the surface layers with a cheese grater. In addition, each of my eyeballs had been temporarily removed with a chisel and, after being used for a vigorous game of ping-pong, were soaked in vinegar before replacing them back in their sockets, using a hammer. READ MORE

09-11-2015 – Rock n’ Roll Chocolate

Ah, there you, 007. Take a seat, and listen carefully…

Another slightly mad weekend, starting in the Trout up in sunny Keynsham; after a fairly quiet start, by the end of the first set, the place was livening up nicely; a shame, then, that I somehow completely forgot how to play the intro to the last song of the first set.

“Oh, f**k”, I tell Ben, “It’s gone. I have no idea how it goes. Complete blank. Can’t even guess”

“Just make something up, then” he sagely advises.

So I do; and we get clean away with it. This rock’n’roll stuff turns out to be rather easy, as long as you don’t worry about getting it right. READ MORE