Tag Archives: cross keys

01-07-2019 – The Tall And Short Of It


And, after a very busy Friday, we dragged ourselves over to Hanham to find the Cross Keys, which turned out to be a jovial little pub with such a low ceiling that even Emma had to forgo her usual bouncing around – although to be fair, it was so hot that there was little enough appetite for that – although the punters they did manage a spirited attempt at jigging about, bless ’em.

We even made one chap very happy by being the only band who’d ever been able respond to his “D’you lot know any Queens Of The Stone Age?” demand with a “Er.. mutter, mutter, mumble, mumble… Yes, we think we can still remember one…” and actually – rather to our surprise – we could. So that was one very happy camper. READ MORE

24-06-2019 – The 4 Gig Marathon And Other Stuff

‘Ow do!

My, that was a hectic weekend, 4 gigs in 3 days, it’s all a bit of a blur, really.

I’ll try and recap for you…

Friday night, and a short-notice gig at the Mill House in Emerson’s Green.

At first we were concerned that Wesley might not let us play – but we figured Emma was close enough to the right height….

Wesley Small

Nice and local, this’ll be an easy stress-free one, we thought.

Not entirely correctly.

It transpired that Stuart had forgotten quite how the drumming goes in the Dandy Warhols’ “Bohemian Like You”; particularly unfortunate since it’s the song we started the set with, and doubly so because it starts with the drums. So, Emma announces us, and Stuart starts playing – hoping that once he gets going it will all come back to him. READ MORE

14-12-2015 – Irrelevant

Hurry folks, there’s only one shopping day left til Christmas!

It’s true. There’s always only one shopping day left til Christmas. It’s called Christmas Eve.

My advice is not to leave it too late, though – otherwise the only place left open will be the petrol station, and that means everybody gets either charcoal briquettes or screen wash for Christmas.

Anyways, we had an interesting time this weekend, thanks for asking; I think Saturday night was my favourite, playing a party for the New Sentinels bike club down in Bedminster. After some initial confusion – expecting to be the second on of the two bands, then finding on arrival that they wanted us on first; then having to wait for them to set up first anyway, which took a while on account of their guitarist being an hour late; then after finally being able to hurriedly set up being told (just as we went on), that they wanted us to play not one but two sets – things settled down quite nicely.

Edited highlights included Rosa discovering that big hairy bikers are actually not at all terrifying (quite fluffy and cute in fact); me sampling some of their allegedly narcotic stew with disappointingly little effect; and being told by the other band’s stand-in drummer Ken (who spent many years playing for legendary blues-rock outfit the Groundhogs) that my guitar playing was “very fluid, and actually, quite retro”.

I decided to take this as a compliment; in fact I suspect he was inferring that, like him, I am a rather well-marinated Old Bastard.

My favourite episode off the week, though, occurred during practice, as Stuart is rifling through the calendar on his phone trying to organise rehearsal dates.

“Oh, I see Lewis is unavailable tomorrow” he observes.

“Lewis who?” we ask.

“Oh, it doesn’t matter, it’s nobody you know”

“We might”, I point out, “What’s his surname?”

“Look, it’s irrelevant”.

“So, he’s Lewis Irrelevant?”

Stuart rolls his eyes in slightly exasperated fashion. “No, look, it’s… It doesn’t…Oh, all right then, if you like, yes, he’s called Lewis Irrelevant.”

“Lewis Irrelevant?” chimes in Ben, “So… is he unavailable because he’s packed his trunk and said goodbye to the circus?”

At this point, after a brief moment to run the line through our heads, along with the tune, three of us collapse in fits of giggles.

Stuart remains steadfastly nonplussed.

“What are you on about circuses for?”

“Lewis Irrelevant”.


“He’s packed his trunk and said goodbye to the circus”

“What trunk? What are you talking about?”

It’s a bit difficult to explain such a tricky concept while you can’t breathe, but eventually we manage to convey the link to Stuart. Eventually realisation dawns, and a look of deep disappointment crosses his face.

“You’re idiots” he sagely observes.

Indeed we are.

Coming up this week –

Friday 18th – New Crown Inn, Newbridge, Bath
It’s a new one for us, so they have no idea what to expect from us. Nor, to be frank (or possibly even Lewis), do we. We’ll let y’all know how it goes.

Saturday 19th – Molloy’s, Bristol
Down in the middle of town, it’s always lively, and likely to be even more so this close to the festering season. Plus, there’s always the post-gig entertainment of watching the overenthusiastic imbibers being picked up off the pavement outside by the philosophical-looking paramedics, doing their best to provide care and support whilst avoiding anybody actually being sick on them. Don’t wear your best shoes to this one, is my advice.

Right, that’s your lot for this week – we’ll see ya next week.

Square on

Lewis Irrelevant has left the building

07-12-2015 – Dancing Edition

Ho, ho ho, my little ones.

Yes, it’s now December, start of the silly season, and time to be able to use the C-word in public again. A fine weekend to start off with – we arrived at the Queen Vic to find the council has closed the road for a festive street fair a little further up the hill, blocking our access to get in and unload.

Fortunately, they hadn’t had the foresight to close the pavement as well, so my little van clambered nimbly over a couple of kerbs, and we were right outside the venue, with plenty of spaces to park, since everybody else seemed to be law-abiding.

Once in, we found, to our delight, our pals John & Anne were in da house (as we young people say [Editor’s note: yeah, about 20 years ago!); as the evening went on, more chums appeared, including the lovely Heather, plus the Clothears Crew from just up the road (who regularly help me and Lily load up the van after we’ve played there).

Apparently the Queen Vic has been getting noise complaints from the neighbours – now, this didn’t affect us, but it did mean that the DJ had to play his dubious musical selections at rather less painful volumes than previously – so, for once I was actually in favour.

All in all, a rather fun evening, and then suddenly it was past 12 o’clock and time to pack up, before Stuart turns into a pumpkin.

Saturday night, and down to Zummerzet to the Prince of Orange in Yatton – now being run by a lovely pair from Birmingham, who seemed to have brought in a lively crowd, who were up and dancing about straight away.

We were completely floored, though, when as soon as we started on Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now”, several of the lasses gyrating at the front launched into a sophisticated choreographed dance routine, doing all the actions in perfect time. We had to stop after that one.

“What the f&*^?” I was moved to ask them, “Did you lot know we were coming, and rehearse that routine specially?”

“We’re dancers”, they explain, “We do that song in one of our shows”.

Ah, makes sense now. Very impressive, still. Definitely a fine and marvellous thing to behold.

Another fine and marvellous thing to behold is our Rosa, who is now really letting rip into the songs, even when she can’t quite remember the words… as a treat, having spotted a sweetie machine in the corner, once we’ve packed up the kit, we issue her and Ben with a pound each to spend in it.

Mistake; never feed singers chocolate after midnight. Despite the fact that she’s just spent two hours singing her heart out and whirling around like a maniac, and the rest of us are all quite worn out now, thank you very much, she immediately goes into orbit, bouncing and dancing around the pub in an extremely manic fashion, like a toddler that’s just eaten five packets of blue Smarties, washed down with a litre of Red Bull. We carefully peel her off the ceiling, manoeuvre her into Stuart’s car, and leave in his gentle care to transport her safely home.

I do hope they made it.

Coming up next week…

Friday 11th – Cross Keys, Wootton Bassett
A new one for us, so we’ll have to see how they like it. Personally, I like it very much, wherever we’re doing it. So, I’m lined up for a good night, even if nobody else is…

We’re also playing a bike club bash in Bedminster on Saturday, but if you’re not in the club, I guess you won’t be going, and if you are, then you probably will be anyway; so, in terms of a promotional email, I guess that makes this part really pretty redundant…

Er – and that’s it for this weekend.

Peace and love