Cactus Eyes

11-02-2019 – Regular Stuff

Howdy pardners!

We hope y’all had a rootin’ tootin’ weekend ridin’ out on the priarie… Oh, stuff it, I’m bored with this already. If you want more cowboy-themed entertainment, go watch a Western!

We tend to make our own entertainment.

Fortunately, we’re pretty easily pleased.

And so it was that at the Trident in Downend on Friday, although it’s fair to say that the pub could probably have crammed in a few more punters without too much problem, there were enough there to keep us happy. We were particularly impressed with top punter Pete, who joined in with Emma’s drinking game with such enthusiasm that he got through 2 pints in the course of one (quite short) song. Well done, that man!

An honourable mention in despatches also for our new friend Mike, who took his plankocastering very seriously; we’re quietly hoping that somebody filmed it and it will appear online in the near future.

In the meantime, what do we have to look forward to this week…?

Saturday 16th – Cat & Wheel, Cheltenham Rd, Bristol
Oh, it’s fun in here! A little bit cramped, but it does get very hot and bouncy. My favourite game is to try and guess how long it will take before somebody gets told off for dancing on the tables.

Sunday 17th – Weston Ex-Services Club, Bath
A 2pm start, so a nice peaceful Sunday afternoon… Last time we played here, we were a bit concerned we might be a but much for them, but as it turned out they liked us just as much as we liked them. And we should be back home in time for dindins. What’s not to like?

Right, that’s your lot for this week.

Alas, the joke cupboard is empty – if you have any contributions, we do encourage you to send them in.

Unless you happen to be a certain Mr R Spencer, residing in Devon – in which case, you really don’t need any encouragement…

One thought on “11-02-2019 – Regular Stuff”

  1. Q. How does a dictionary with anger management issues pass the time?
    A. Crosswords! Boom Boom! (Oh dear)…
    Q. What do you call a cracker you can’t pull?
    A. A safe cracker! (a cracker of a joke)…

    Apropos descriptions of drummers try these ones;
    With apologies to the old Top Gear team… ‘Some say he sharpens his drumsticks with a chainsaw; some say the skin of his bass drum is sewn from the hides of a hundred virgin gerbils (What!???!). All we know is we call him The Sticks (or Styx), and he is our drummer!’ … (Oh dear, sigh).
    Some say he learnt the beat from the devil’s typewriter. Some say he learnt the rhythm from the pulse of a dandelion seed. All we know is … (cringe).
    Some say the first sound he made was the clap of the apocalypse. Some say his mother gave him lace table mats & wet straw spoons to practise with. All we know is…
    Some say he cuts his drumsticks from living trees with his teeth. Some say his garden is littered with furniture made from the bodies of old drum kits. All we know is…
    Some say he carves new drum kits from old oil barrels with his fingernails. Some say he skins them with the silver linings of clouds. All we know is…
    Some say he learnt time from the wing beats of a chaos butterfly. Others say he learnt time from the oar strokes of Charon. All we know is he is on our side of the Styx…
    Some say he uses SAM 22 missiles for drumsticks, some say Tony Blackburn lives in fear he will start throwing them.
    Some say he learnt the beat from the exhaust of the Flying Scotsman, others say he learnt it from the contents of a baked bean tin.
    Some say his percussion is inspired by the popping of champagne corks, others say he was inspired by a flatulent thundercloud.
    Don’t forget to clean up after you’ve thrown up. I’ll pass these round to all the drummers I know. You can use them in gigs if you like, or invent your own (unlikely I know).
    Sorry Mr Chalmers.
    Best regards to all, Charles (Warminster)

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